I didn’t know it was our last…

Lance,

Over the last few months, partially thanks to Facebook memories, I keep seeing our lasts together. Your last birthday, our last Mother’s Day, Christmas, our last family trips to a park…I didn’t know some of those things would be the last time we would do them. I wish I could go back and change the ordinary events into special memories.

I keep thinking about your last birthday, I left that day to go out of town. How I wish I would have stayed with you. I thought we would still have years left to celebrate together. I wish it has been more special for you. You were only with us for another month before you passed away.

But I remember our last day together. You woke up early and we took you to the dog park. You and Lili were the only ones there and you sat by me and I gave you so many pets and told you that you were the love of my life. We then stopped at Chick-fil-a to get your final breakfast. I loved taking you there in the mornings for your last two weeks with us.

After we had breakfast, you and Lili wanted to go out again. This time, we went to Claude Moore Park and I let Daddy walk you around while I walked with Lili. I’m glad you were able to have a final time to go walking with Ed. We came home and gave you the sedatives to help you at the vet. I took you for one last walk at the park down the street. We walked until the sedatives kicked in and it wasn’t safe for you to walk anymore. I’m not ready to talk with you about the rest of the day, but I was with you every step of the way, singing your special songs to you. The worst part was having to leave you that day.

Other things, I can’t remember our last time. I think of how many times I would come home, and you would be waiting for me on the landing on the stairs between the first and second floors. I loved seeing that goofy face of yours hanging over the step, tail wagging. Your tongue was usually sticking out as well. Did you stop doing that when you hurt your shoulders? I don’t remember when you stopped doing that. But I loved seeing you and then giving you kisses as we went upstairs together.

But on the other hand, I’ve been dealing with the firsts…the first Christmas without you…the first Valentine’s day without you. I had my first Mother’s Day without you. Ed would always make sure you and Lili gave me cards, but this year, only Lili had signed the card. It hurt not to see your name there. It hurt not to have the four of us go somewhere together. I know the first anniversary of your passing will be a difficult day. But know I will be thinking of you and continuing to love you every day of my life.

Woman