Do you think I failed you?

Lancy,

I had a hard day yesterday. I saw a Facebook memory post from last year where I told people we were going to do some procedures on you in September, 2023. I had no clue in a couple of months, you would no longer be with us. Should I have been able to see the signs more? We know you were in pain, but was my hoping everything could be fixed keep me from seeing what was really going on with you?

This is what I wrote about that memory:

I usually look at his Facebook memories and smile, but this post saddens me.

I had no idea our time with Lance was coming to an end. Even with all of his vet difficulties, I thought putting him through the procedures would have made him better, give him more pain free days. But that wasn’t going to be the case. He was also sick and even though I thought something else was going on, we couldn’t confirm it.

Lance’s pain became too much for him to go through anymore. He put on a brave face and was his happy self most of the time. But he had to tell us how much he was hurting by his actions.

I still thought if we could increase his pain meds and get him through the procedures, all would be better and Lance would be ok.

But I am incredibly thankful to his behavioral team at ABWC who saw what I couldn’t and had the difficult conversation with us. We were able to have two final weeks with Lance, to spoil him with morning trips to Chick-fil-a, to have Lance’s good bye tour and give everyone on Team Lance an opportunity to say good bye to him, and two more weeks to love him.

I think of Lance every day and miss him. But I also like to think he is running around in dog heaven, getting the opportunity to be the dog he was supposed to have been.

I love you, Lancypants

Was I blind to what was going on with you? Do you blame me for not seeing what was in front of me? Did I cause you to start acting out? I hope you know I did everything I could for you, what I thought was right for you. But I don’t think it was until we talked to your behavior team that I really saw how much pain you were in. I wish I could have done more to heal your pain. Or did you put on a brave face because you wanted to be with us?

The last thing I ever wanted to do was say goodbye, but I knew keeping you here with the amount of pain you were in would have been selfish of me. I think some days the thing that makes things ok for me is the belief that you are running around pain free in doggy heaven. But oh how I miss rubbing your back and having you sleep by my legs at night. I have to believe we did the right thing for you. Please know I did what I thought was best for you. I tried taking care of you the best I could, but I sometimes feel like it wasn’t enough because you’re not here with us.

I love you,

Woman