August 11, 2023

We started discussing the decision to euthanize Lance on August 11, 2023. This was not an easy decision to make, but one that was the best for Lance.

From that day, I have been making audio recordings and journal entries.

August 11th, I made an audio recording as I was trying to process the decision we were making. This is taken from that recording.

I know I photograph senior pets and pets who are at the end of their life and I knew someday, it would be my turn for this to happen. But I didn’t think it would be so soon. We’ve known that Lancy has been in pain for quite some time, for at least a year. He developed the doggy equivalent of torn rotator cuffs in his shoulders. He has had physical therapy and he has been managing it. He’s supposed to have a couple of procedures in September, starting in September, but his pain has gotten to a point where it is becoming unmanageable for him. He is, he went after Lili twice last week over a couple of things and then last night, he went after me in the car. Fortunately, it was very superficial, and I’m ok, but we talked with his behavior people and I think the right choice would be euthanasia for Lance and I know we have to come to that decision, but it is so hard. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do it. Lancy has been the love of my life for the past seven years, he’s my heart dog, he’s everything to me. He’s the guy who sleeps with me at night and he just gives me that smile that says everything is right in the world. But I know he’s in a lot of pain but I’m saying to myself “we can get his blood work done to see what’s going on.” He’ll have these procedures and it will be two months of him having limited mobility. But for a dog like Lance who has so many vet issues, is it really the right thing for him?”

I don’t know. But we know the most humane thing to do would be to euthanize him and for the safety of everybody and for the safety of Lili, and put him out of the pain he’s been in. I know I have to make that decision, but I don’t want to. I know I do. I love him so much.

I guess I thought we would have more time with Lancy. I know he’s about 10, but I just kept thinking we would have more time and I kept thinking these shoulder procedures would be this magical cure and he would be all better.